tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-59570171149438062632024-03-19T01:49:20.532-07:00On my heart...Jeni Bullishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163778808091161948noreply@blogger.comBlogger53125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5957017114943806263.post-81802100945711761702014-12-24T09:47:00.002-08:002014-12-24T09:55:33.926-08:00The True ChristmasIt's Christmas Eve!<br />
<br />
The Christmas season brings about such a swirl of thoughts and feelings for me. There's so much nostalgia and memories twisted all up with new and fresh traditions. Childhood joys become parenting goals.<br />
<br />
I have always loved Christmas and had wonderful Christmases growing up, but every year I find myself right back at my favorite Christmas memory.<br />
<br />
It seems that every Christmas now revolves around the themes and truths played out in this one. As an overthinker, I find that I run every Christmas motive through the filter of all that I learned that one year 35 years ago.<br />
<br />
I was around 5 or 6 years old and was going through what most would agree is one of the hardest things for a young child to experience.<br />
<br />
My parents split had caused a split in me. <br />
<br />
I couldn't make sense of it. It made me angry. Sad. Frustrated. Lonely. Rebellious.<br />
<br />
I remember one night being sent to my room for acting out, and I felt such a rage that I couldn't contain it. I laid on the sensible little twin bed my Grandpa had made for me, and noticed the foam mattress peeking out from under the sheet. Laying there seething I picked at the foam until I noticed little pieces starting to litter the floor beneath. I picked with a bit more determination finding that I could get bigger chunks if I worked at it. Soon the pile forming on the floor along with the crater that was growing in the mattress reflected the state of my heart. It felt so good to see in real life what I was feeling in the mysterious and invisible places inside of me.<br />
<br />
Somehow the destruction gave voice to my pain better than 5 year old words ever could have.<br />
<br />
That little girl was a hurting mess.<br />
<br />
I actually don't remember how my mother handled it when she came in and found a huge portion of my mattress destroyed and the room full of pieces of foam. <br />
<br />
I only remember doing it.<br />
<br />
I missed my Dad. Everything about my world was upside down without him. My mother struggled as a single mom and I remember the houses with no furniture, the short and pointless relationships, the school giving us shoes and coats because we desperately needed them, the food stamps, walking everywhere because we had no transportation, staying up all night waiting for my mom to come home from the night shift at that cannery.<br />
<br />
Nothing felt stable. Nothing felt safe. Nothing felt hopeful.<br />
<br />
And now it was Christmas Eve. My favorite time of year.<br />
<br />
I remember the sadness felt thick in our tiny little cockroach infested apartment. My sisters and I were sitting around I'm sure trying not to cry at the sad state of our Christmas tree with very little under it. For kids, presents under the tree represents so much, not always based in greed. The thought of a new toy or piece of candy stirs up the butterflies in their tummies and speaks to them of love and joy, speaking promises of fun. We'd never had much money, but we'd always had gifts for Christmas.<br />
<br />
Not this year. <br />
<br />
I remember it being evening and us girls sitting on the floor by the tree.<br />
<br />
The knock on the door startled us all...except, it seemed, for my mom.<br />
<br />
We stood up immediately not sure what was happening. Who would knock on the door on Christmas Eve? Something terrible must have happened. Fear seemed to always be my first emotion these days (an emotion that would become a lifelong foe for me).<br />
<br />
When my mom opened the door...I can hardly relive the memory without the tears coming...there, behind a pile of presents in his arms was MY DAD!!!<br />
<br />
MY DAD!! He was standing there grinning carrying so many presents they were beginning to topple out of his arms!<br />
<br />
"GIRLS! GIRLS! Merry Christmas!!!" he gushed.<br />
<br />
He somehow put down the presents and scooped us up in his huge bear hugs that we'd been aching for, all three of us! <br />
<br />
"Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!" we squealed as he kissed us.<br />
<br />
I remember he grabbed my mom and we just had a huge group hug for a long while.<br />
<br />
Soon we were looking through all the beautifully wrapped presents of all shapes and sizes and tucking them under the sorry little tree.<br />
<br />
It was glorious!!<br />
<br />
I remember specifically sitting under the little table where my parents were sitting side by side and spying on them touching each other. It'd been so long since they'd been together that it felt wonderful to see, but also kind of strange to me. My mom noticed my confusion and said, "It's ok. He's your Dad."<br />
<br />
All the topsy turny of my world settled slowly down, and finally stopped spinning.<br />
<br />
That night my world was set right.<br />
<br />
My parents reconciliation has lasted and they just enjoyed their 45th anniversary. <br />
<br />
I'm so thankful that they worked things out and came back together. But that Christmas is symbolic of so much more to me.<br />
<br />
Reconciliation is at the very heart of Christmas. It IS Christmas!<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgimxQsSebkv0gdHqZjqSpz4Xltxhz7WAxIMLQjeHOFkTqHz-NF4qH8Oet4tpXlSlfceaobs9T4fTkV9cgxsdhH6HANGswubXb6weubb88_M4_FzFWyheOplwJJSZqbT-GhjpJl96qnejg/s1600/520556-bigthumbnail.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgimxQsSebkv0gdHqZjqSpz4Xltxhz7WAxIMLQjeHOFkTqHz-NF4qH8Oet4tpXlSlfceaobs9T4fTkV9cgxsdhH6HANGswubXb6weubb88_M4_FzFWyheOplwJJSZqbT-GhjpJl96qnejg/s1600/520556-bigthumbnail.jpg" height="248" width="320" /></a>Jesus came to bring us back in to the arms of the Father. He showed up with his arms stuffed with gifts like Forgiveness, Hope, Light, Grace, and Peace all things we are aching for. He came to set our world right again. To make His love known. To draw us close.<br />
<br />
Whether you have many presents under your tree tonight, or none, I pray that if there's someone in your life that you're separated from...that you will reach out today. That you will experience the Christmas miracle both spiritually with the Lord and also with those you may be estranged from. Forgiveness is an amazing Christmas present and at times, the only one really needed.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
Merry Christmas everyone! May it be filled with abundant love, joy, </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and group hugs!</div>
<br />
<br />
<br />Jeni Bullishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163778808091161948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5957017114943806263.post-83069662792136658832014-09-22T17:07:00.000-07:002014-09-22T17:07:12.747-07:00RemainingHave you ever walked by an apple tree and heard it grunting and struggling to push out an apple?<br />
<br />
No?<br />
<br />
How about a pear tree?<br />
<br />
A blackberry bush? A strawberry plant?<br />
<br />
No?<br />
<br />
Neither have I.<br />
<br />
These fruit bearing trees and plants produce their fruit without any strategic effort of their own. <br />
As long as they remain rooted in well watered soil...they will produce the fruit they were destined to produce. In the right season. And for the right amount of time.<br />
<br />
Jesus spoke an analogy with this in mind.<br />
<br />
John 15:5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."<br />
<br />
At a recent retreat, the Lord reminded me of this promise all day long.<br />
<br />
"You <em>WILL</em> bear much fruit".<br />
<br />
It's what we were created for...just like fruit bearing plants and trees!<br />
<br />
There will be mistakes...but you <em>WILL</em> bear fruit.<br />
<br />
There will be setbacks...but you <em>WILL</em> bear fruit.<br />
<br />
There will be disappointments...but you <em>WILL</em> bear fruit.<br />
<br />
You won't have to struggle and strain. You won't need to look around and try and imitate someone else's fruit. You <em>WILL</em> bear fruit.<br />
<br />
"If you remain in me and I in you" is the only thing that should have our attention. It's the one thing we can control. Are our roots firmly established in the nutrient dense soil of Christ? Are we allowing the Living Water to nourish our souls and hydrate our thirsty hearts? Are we trying to accomplish things apart from Him and wondering why we are lacking a harvest?<br />
<br />
If we remain in Him we <em>WILL</em> bear fruit. Our lives and work will be fruitful and flourish, multiplying and spreading.<br />
<br />
I'm so thankful for this promise today! <br />
<br />
So...what does "remaining in Him" look like? <br />
<br />
Jeni Bullishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163778808091161948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5957017114943806263.post-82969861927124506852014-09-04T16:17:00.000-07:002014-09-04T20:50:41.432-07:00InfluenceMy blood-shot, tear filled eyes struggled to focus on the words again. I blinked forcing another surge of water down my cheeks and on to the tiny human head affixed to my breast. He suckled a bit too aggressively...again...forcing a wince to match the sob I could no longer hold in.<br />
<br />
The words.<br />
<br />
I read them again.<br />
<br />
And again.<br />
<br />
At 2 o'clock in the morning with the light in the nursery so dim and shadowy coupled with the sound of my aloneness being the only thing I could really hear, I felt I might actually be losing my mind. It was the second time I'd been up with the baby and I knew he would scream for food again in a few more hours and I'd start this whole process again. For weeks...and months.<br />
<br />
The tears kept flowing.<br />
<br />
This was supposed to be a precious time. I was supposed to be bonding and cooing and stroking his soft pink face. <br />
<br />
I was supposed to be happy.<br />
<br />
What I felt instead was a darkness I'd never known. A constant swirling of emotions that brought fear along with each.<br />
<br />
Isolation. Sickening exhaustion. Helplessness. Hopelessness. Indescribable anxiety.<br />
<br />
The words.<br />
<br />
I read them again.<br />
<br />
The little torn out piece of notebook paper, with words that looked quickly jotted down as though the sentiment had come on her quickly and she wanted to get it out before it was gone, was taped to the lamp table next to my rocker.<br />
<br />
When I read them I could feel the truth in them. They were like a sudden ground beneath my floating feet. It would take only seconds of looking away before the floor dropped again and my stomach would twist with pangs of anxiety and fear.<br />
<br />
What were these sacred words? Scripture surely! A woman of faith would certainly find comfort in the words of the Almighty!<br />
<br />
Nope.<br />
<br />
No, these precious words that were soothing my spirit were written by...a woman. A friend. A mother. A veteran at raising children...and at spotting Postpartum Depression.<br />
<br />
The Lord spoke to her to encourage me so she reached out to me in obedience.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI4QBvCMMUAajO7VoeFlwRngFooKi-oVUYNmpwhOE_nVIEeiBPaiCHY8v13mbK16rZ94Hnte9Qvq4_GJf8ZXrv-Q80HkoULUGXikw0qxtCkM7RqE0fJFLNDfAR5fo9RtfEwQuN7eG0Yfo/s1600/20140904_152951+(5).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI4QBvCMMUAajO7VoeFlwRngFooKi-oVUYNmpwhOE_nVIEeiBPaiCHY8v13mbK16rZ94Hnte9Qvq4_GJf8ZXrv-Q80HkoULUGXikw0qxtCkM7RqE0fJFLNDfAR5fo9RtfEwQuN7eG0Yfo/s1600/20140904_152951+(5).jpg" height="320" width="302" /></a></div>
"Jeni I'm so proud of you -- When you say you are 'surviving' you are telling me you are trusting God to pull you through!! Take a day, a moment at a time -- you are the right Mommy for the job -- put in place by God for your little ones!! -- Good job!!! I love you - Linda"<br />
<br />
She had incredible influence over my thoughts and feelings during that darkness! When I read her words, I could feel a huge lifting of heaviness off my heart! I read them over and over while I sat in that chair hoping and praying through the thoughts, fears, and doubts that rushed at me like a storm.<br />
<br />
I read them day after day, month after month. And I still read them now 11 years later. <br />
<br />
She may never know how the 2 minutes she took to write this little note would bless me for over a decade, and inspire me to love as richly as she did. <br />
<br />
This ability to have a powerful influence over how someone even FEELS is absolutely remarkable! Women have been created with a unique skill of discerning others needs and then, if they choose to, reach out in a way that only they can to greatly impact another persons' life. This is only one of the countless ways a woman can move in her influence!<br />
<br />
Every woman has this influence.<br />
<br />
Women of every age and every stage.<br />
<br />
The question is...are we using it? <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Jeni Bullishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163778808091161948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5957017114943806263.post-35648186959101206092014-07-16T15:49:00.002-07:002014-07-16T15:49:43.222-07:00Believe...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLNlMgplYlfUdLLdfqxv0SZ52lk7J9rFuqw_Vu1Ocr3QVW6vAo9BM95FY1fi8n5AZB5IIli0lXDPBJACEt8uJTRGc-CLYhEEmjZCs1CYuZ-P8cO7mcp1rvCjp1tX9ONRmtnTVCLX1W9X0/s1600/believe+pic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLNlMgplYlfUdLLdfqxv0SZ52lk7J9rFuqw_Vu1Ocr3QVW6vAo9BM95FY1fi8n5AZB5IIli0lXDPBJACEt8uJTRGc-CLYhEEmjZCs1CYuZ-P8cO7mcp1rvCjp1tX9ONRmtnTVCLX1W9X0/s1600/believe+pic.jpg" height="200" width="169" /></a></div>
Today as I was shopping for a new journal, I ran across this one and felt my heart stir.<br />
<br />
While I love the sentiment this word draws and the lovely design of an inspirational journal, I'm not usually drawn to this type of thing.<br />
<br />
Believe in what exactly?<br />
<br />
I'm a strange mix of visionary/dreamer and pragmatist. I'm not a sentimental person...at all. I generally wince a bit when words are too flowery. I've never been great at understanding or enjoying poetry unless it rhymes really well and has great rhythm or cadence. <br />
<br />
I'm not a proponent of the "Chase Your Dreams" or "Follow Your Heart" mentality. For lots of reasons really, but here are a couple.<br />
<br />
In my own life, I've seen that when I'm willing to peel my grubby, self assured fingers off an ideal or "dream" The Lord can do remarkable things! I've written a lot about the mind-blowing miracle of my two children that were the result of me putting to death my own "dreams" of how my family should come about.<br />
<br />
But also because the heart can be such an untrustworthy foe, shifting like shadows or sands of the sea! <br />
<br />
Jeremiah 17:9 says: <i> "The heart is deceitful above all things. Who can understand it?"</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
Our desires can change daily! We can be absolutely full of longing for something one day, and literally the next day wonder why in the world we thought that thing would make us happy.<br />
<i><br /></i>
We see many examples of scripture painting the picture of people who thought for sure they knew where they wanted to go, only to find out the Lord had different ideas.<br />
<br />
Hezekiah was convinced he wasn't ready for Heaven and pleaded with The Lord for more time on this earth, and it was the worst 15 years of his life.<br />
<br />
The Apostle Paul had his heart set on sharing the gospel with the Jews, but that's not at all what the Lord had for him.<br />
<br />
I've seen friends and loved ones suffer difficult and discouraging consequences of insisting on a path that was not the Lord's best for them. While of course heartache and disappointment can be used for our good, that doesn't mean they couldn't have been avoided.<br />
<br />
So, when I see the word "Believe" I almost immediately dismiss it.<br />
<br />
But not today.<br />
<br />
Today I saw it and my brain instantly defined it differently than I have before. <br />
<br />
The dictionary defines Believe this way: <u>to have confidence in the truth, the existence of, or the reliability of something, although without absolute proof of being right in doing so</u>.<br />
<br />
Instead of thinking of the concept in a dreamy emotional way, it encouraged my heart in the face of questioning...wondering...doubting.<br />
<br />
It was a call to trust. A reminder of what faithfulness is.<br />
<br />
When someone who has a pattern of being punctual tells you they're going to pick you up at 7 o'clock, you <i>believe</i> them. You trust them to do what they say they're going to do because they've proven to you time and time again that they are reliable. And you try to be ready for them because you know it will drive them crazy if they have to wait on you! If they happen to show up late...your first response is not to doubt their word...but to assume that either you misunderstood them, or something outside of their control effected their arrival.<br />
<br />
You Believe them because you trust them. They've earned that from you.<br />
<br />
For me...today...I needed a reminder to trust the Lord that He will do what He says. That what He has spoken, will come to pass. That in the face of my doubts and impatient discouragement, He's not late. He didn't get distracted. He will do what He said He will do.<br />
<br />
I Believe Him.<br />
<br />
And I can't wait to start on my new journal!!<br />
<br />
<br />Jeni Bullishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163778808091161948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5957017114943806263.post-79556589334690389912013-06-03T09:45:00.002-07:002014-07-13T14:12:28.948-07:00Through the PeripheryThis morning as I was driving the boys to school, I could hardly see out my dusty windshield. I drenched the glass with cleaner and watched the wipers do their work, making sure they did a thorough job. I also checked the glass for chips or cracks or anything else that might need attention. Although I noticed a few bugs and a clear indication that the rest of the van was begging for a bath as well, there was nothing dire that required my attention.<br />
<br />
Did I mention I was driving?<br />
<br />
As I drove past a parked car with a sense that it might have been by the hair of my chinny chin chin I had this thought: "Wow. I'm driving without really watching what I'm doing" followed by: "I do this alot".<br />
<br />
Yikes!<br />
<br />
How is this possible? How can I drive...often...without really looking directly at the road or other cars around me and not have an accident?<br />
<br />
The answer of course is peripheral vision.<br />
<br />
Our eyes were designed so that while we are looking directly at an object, we can also see objects to the sides of what we're focused on. It is blurry and out of focus, but our eyes are able to pick up enough information to allow our brains to interpret what we're seeing.<br />
<br />
To a degree.<br />
<br />
Some people have terrible peripheral vision, and rarely rely on it.<br />
<br />
Others, like me, have rather...awesome (if I do say so myself) peripheral vision and can actually "watch" something from the side without having to actually look at it, ie: body language of people conversing near me, spiders that threaten my life and mental health, spaghetti boiling over while working on something else - just to name a few.<br />
<br />
But...and this is a big "but"...what happens when important things (like driving) become something we choose not to actually focus on but view peripherally because we choose to focus on something else?<br />
<br />
We may be able to see that our kids are not climbing the walls, but we might miss the look in their eyes pleading for help with a broken heart.<br />
<br />
We may be accomplishing alot in our career, but not able to see that our marriage is struggling and our spouse feels alone.<br />
<br />
Have you ever heard someone after acknowledging that they are severely overweight and are now suffering with health issues talk about how it just sort of "happened, little by little"?<br />
<br />
Or maybe a couple headed for divorce talk about how looking back they can see that their relationship gradually started growing cold a long time ago and they just chose to focus on other things?<br />
<br />
It was in their periphery.<br />
<br />
I am one of those people who loves reality TV. Mostly the crisis shows...or "crazy people" shows. Ya know, the Hoarders, Intervention, or Biggest Loser type of shows.<br />
<br />
Dan HATES these shows and asks me often "How can you watch this? It's like watching a train wreck!". <br />
<br />
The answer is I LOVE it when people finally face truth. Reality. And get better!<br />
<br />
I love it when someone deals with wounds that haven't healed, or gets help when they've been isolated, or talks about things they've never talked about and break through the bondage they've found them self in.<br />
<br />
Only when we look at something head on instead of allowing it to remain blurry out in the periphery are we living in the moment and able to deal with the realities we face.<br />
<br />
Sometimes what we will see is so painful that we are terrified to actually focus on it.<br />
<br />
I get that. But there's no comfort available till there's pain. There's no beauty from ashes till something burns. There's no solution, till there's a problem. <br />
<br />
I'm asking myself the same questions I hope you are: Are there things in my life that are living in my periphery that really need to be focused on?<br />
<br />
The road while driving is a good start for me!<br />
<br />
How 'bout you???<br />
<br />
<br />Jeni Bullishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163778808091161948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5957017114943806263.post-4136765474777740872013-05-29T08:29:00.000-07:002013-05-29T08:29:28.881-07:00I sing harmonyFor many years as I was learning to sing I found that if I ever had a solo or needed to sing melody alone on a song I felt self conscious and uncomfortable. No matter what techniques I tried and how good my breathing was I just never felt completely confident. I could sing the notes correctly and in tune, but it always felt like something was lacking.<br />
<br />
It took me a long time to learn to hear and sing harmony. It didn't come naturally and I had to work for it with lots and lots of practice. At first I would just sing whatever part the person next to me was singing but little by little, my ability grew to the point where I could handle the part on my own and even began to hear it in chords without it being played for me. <br />
<br />
I realized quickly that I LOVE singing harmony!<br />
<br />
Harmony adds so much to music. It can open up a melody, and bring great depth to songs. As I've learned to blend and add texture with vibrato or no vibrato, full voice or falsetto, I've discovered a really great thing about myself. <br />
<br />
I'm most comfortable singing harmony...supporting a melody.<br />
<br />
I used to dream and ache to sing like some of my favorite artists. To belt out the lead with strength, skill, and confidence.<br />
<br />
Not any more.<br />
<br />
Now I'd much rather support a great singer with a skillful harmony that enhances what they're doing. I find that I feel so free in that role! I can be myself. I can be a part of making something beautiful. I can help make it shine!<br />
<br />
The thing is...this is not only about music.<br />
<br />
I have discovered that my giftings and calling are really more about supporting well.<br />
<br />
I've found that being the #2 person is also leadership, and it's a place that fits me well. A place where I feel most comfortable. A place where I feel free.<br />
<br />
Sometimes I wonder if we consider supporting roles as "less than". The second string players. Background singers.<br />
<br />
The truth is...melodies sound so much better with a harmony. #1 people are made stronger by their #2 person. <br />
<br />
As we all continue to seek and pursue our strengths, I hope we will not overlook the importance of supporting roles around us. <br />
<br />
And I hope that those of you who find yourself singing harmony in whatever role you're in...that you find rest and confidence in it. Because the texture and strength you add is necessary and essential. Jeni Bullishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163778808091161948noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5957017114943806263.post-57457802656688495112013-05-13T08:22:00.000-07:002013-05-13T08:23:58.719-07:00Confessions of a party-pooperI'm so glad Mother's Day is over.<br />
<br />
I know, I know, that sounds terrible! The truth is I passionately adore being a Mom, and I cherish my mother and grandmother. <br />
<br />
But...I am not a lover of holidays in general.<br />
<br />
Over the years I've gained some clarity as to why I'm the biggest holiday party-pooper there is.<br />
<br />
First of all, the expectations that come with holidays are enough to bring me to tears. Have you read the Love Languages book? Yeah, gift giving is not one of mine. I love the idea of giving gifts...but it feels like a setup for failure every time I try. It's like asking someone who struggles with physical touch and affection to go around hugging people all the time. It's just hard!!<br />
<br />
Then add to that the expectation that holidays put on everyone else and another layer of struggle is born. I never expect my husband and children to do things for me or give me gifts, and yet on holidays this inbred expectation creates friction in me all day long! I find myself with an attitude of entitlement that I just abhor. "I shouldn't have to do dishes...it's Mother's Day" or "Why do I have to cook on my birthday??", etc. Blech! (Did I mention gift-giving is also not one of my husband's love languages? Yeah, perfect storm on gift-giving holidays)<br />
<br />
Add to all this the fact that as a worker in ministry, we work on the holidays that land on Sundays and the holidays that are of a spiritual nature actually require more work than usual. And I love ministry! It's only on holidays that there's this pressure that whispers negativity into my usually cheerfully serving heart.<br />
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I've struggled with my secret anti-holiday attitude for years, but over the past few years as Dan and I have hashed out why we both don't like holidays we've also realized that if we're going to fail at the sentiments behind the special days we ought to make up for it in relationship every day. If we fail at celebrating sufficiently on a specific day, we better be intentional about celebrating that person or relationship every day. Sometimes we get this, and other times we don't.<br />
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Last night as I was winding down and allowing the cranky-pants attitude to dissipate, I spoke our code-words to Dan. We say this to each other when we just need encouragement.<br />
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"Honey...tell me something".<br />
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"Ok. Today I was thinking that we've been together 18 years, and in 18 more years I'll be 65 and in another 18 years I'll be 83. Which means, if the Lord's willing, I'm only a third of the way through the time I get with you! We're just getting started!"<br />
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Oh man. Best Mother's Day gift ever. <br />
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<br />Jeni Bullishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163778808091161948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5957017114943806263.post-22329041995956937852013-05-05T08:10:00.002-07:002013-05-05T08:11:33.022-07:00Women of Influence Part 1Recently, I feel the Lord has given me a fresh vision and passion for women. The issues women face are complex and challenging to say the least. Whether she's married, single, a mother, sister, widow, or in a category all her own she has struggles and difficulties that only another woman can understand.<br />
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Women have a unique set of strengths and abilities that are absolutely crucial to this world. <br />
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We can nurture with tenderness.<br />
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We can stir and provoke honor.<br />
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We can fan into flame the embers of someones dreams.<br />
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We also have the ability to absolutely crush a persons spirit, to demolish a persons identity, or undermine someones confidence.<br />
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I just described a tiny fraction of the ways women impact the world around her. It's almost immeasurable the footprint women leave as they walk through their lives!<br />
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This is possible because of <i>Influence</i>.<br />
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Women influence every arena they enter. Their homes. Their neighborhoods. Their communities. Their world. History.<br />
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The realization of this can feel daunting and terrifying because what is at stake is not only the people we love, but the generation they give birth to. Our influence can reach far beyond our years on this planet.<br />
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This post will focus on one story that, in my opinion, captures the essence of the influence of a woman who wields it wisely. <br />
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2 Samuel 20: 15<br />
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All the troops with Joab came and besieged Sheba in Abel Beth Maakah. They built a siege ramp up to the city, and it stood against the outer fortifications. While they were battering the wall to bring it down,<br />
a wise woman called from the city,<br />
"Listen! Listen! Tell Joab to come here so I can speak to him."<br />
He went toward her, and she asked, "Are you Joab?"<br />
"I am," he answered.<br />
She said, "Listen to what your servant has to say."<br />
"I'm listening," he said.<br />
She continued, "Long ago they used to say, 'Get your answer at Abel,' and that settled it.<br />
We are the peaceful and faithful in Israel. You are trying to destroy a city that is a mother in Israel. Why do you want to swallow up the LORD's inheritance?"<br />
"Far be it from me!" Joab replied, "Far be it from me to swallow up or destroy!<br />
That is not the case. A man named Sheba son of Bikri, from the hill country of Ephraim, has lifted up his hand against the king, against David. Hand over this one man, and I'll withdraw from the city."<br />
The woman said to Joab, "His head will be thrown to you from the wall."<br />
Then the woman went to all the people with her wise advice, and they cut off the head of Sheba son of Bikri and threw it to Joab. So he sounded the trumpet, and his men dispersed from the city, each returning to his home. And Joab went back to the king in Jerusalem.<br />
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Joab was after a guy who had stood against King David. When he came to this city his intent was to destroy the city in efforts to find and kill this man. The "wise" woman knew what was to come. </div>
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The fact that she was referred to as "wise" speaks to her character and reputation. It is so important that we consider our reputation!</div>
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Then she approached Joab calling herself his "servant". While we don't use language like this in current day, we can learn from her attitude of respect and , dare I say, submission. Had she come at him screaming insults at him and telling him to beat it she wouldn't have gotten very far and she and everyone she loved would have perished.</div>
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Next she displays her wisdom and experience by giving Joab a bit of a history lesson on her city. She respectfully admonishes him figuring he must not know what he is about to do. In essence, she's helping him by giving him information! We women have opportunity to do this all the time with our husbands, our bosses, our children. When we come at them with an air of superiority and condescending tone they most likely will stiffen against our attempts and maybe even solidify their position...even in ignorance. This concept is at the heart of being a helpmate!</div>
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Joab responds with trepidation and backtracks. But he explains to her his purpose there and she does an amazing thing. She joins forces with him in order to spare her city. She doesn't question him. She doesn't try and rework his plan. She gets on board and gathers her resources to get it done. </div>
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She used her influence to save many lives, Joabs future reputation (by not slaughtering a beloved city), and solidifies her place in her community as a resource for wisdom. </div>
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We have this same power!! I believe every woman has the ability to be incredibly influential in her circle. In the next few posts we will take a look at more examples of women wielding their power well, and some not so well. Hopefully you will be inspired to look at how you're using your influence!</div>
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Your comments and contribution are priceless to me, so share your thoughts!</div>
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<br />Jeni Bullishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163778808091161948noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5957017114943806263.post-45657768451619288422013-04-24T09:45:00.000-07:002013-04-24T14:34:08.157-07:00You are what you...?For years I've struggled with the nagging, never-to-be-shushed question that plagues alot of us...Who am I?<br />
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I have no college degrees.<br />
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I have no particular specialties.<br />
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I don't wake up with one singular passion in mind.<br />
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I've picked this issue up, wrestled it and worked it like a Rubik's cube, and had to set it down over and over again.<br />
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Today I feel I've had some insight.<br />
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You see I've always believed the idea that we are all gifted and called to certain purposes that the Lord ordains for us long before He dreamed us up. I've always excepted that singers...sing. That writers...write. That chefs...cook. It's just what they do! They can't help it!<br />
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Well, I sing. But not every day.<br />
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I write. But not every day.<br />
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I cook. Unfortunately for my family, not every day.<br />
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I feel like a moody female most of the time because my "passions" vary regularly! I'll go through incredibly intense seasons of burden for women's ministry and I'll serve whole heartedly! But then it seems to wane and is replaced with a different passion for outreach, or counseling, or homemaking, etc. <br />
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I've constantly apologized to the Lord for my apparent spiritual ADD because surely He has one specific thing He wants me to do, and if I'd just stay in the game long enough in one area I'd hear Him correctly, the heavens would open up, angels would sing and I'd find my one thing that would finally complete my sentence:<br />
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I AM A.....<br />
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Today I'm having a different thought process.<br />
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What if I (we) am supposed to specialize in something different...each day?<br />
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HUH?<br />
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Yeah! Like what if I'm supposed to be available to do whatever I find in my hands that day...and do it as though it defines me. What would that look like?<br />
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Well, it would sure make for a messy resume.<br />
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The idea that I can accept my shifting passions is so liberating! It's not without it problems though, I can see that. Like, if you don't play guitar regularly, your callouses never really develop and it hurts every time you pick it up! I feel a sermon in that example ;-). Lucky for you, preaching is not my passion today.<br />
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And of course, there's the concern that I'll never really be excellent at any one thing but will be relegated to mediocrity in everything.<br />
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Except I don't really think that's how the Lord works. If He calls, He will enable. I think about the apostle Paul saying in Colossians 1:29 "To this end I labor, struggling with all His energy which so powerfully works in me."<br />
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So as long as I am directed by the Lord and fueled by Him, I believe whatever task I'm doing can be my specialty. Until it's not.<br />
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Today....I'm going to be a lunch lady. I'm going to be a DANG good one too! I am going to allow His energy to strengthen my work, so that it will not only be successful, but eternal as I love on people and feed them. And do copious amounts of dishes.<br />
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Who are you today???Jeni Bullishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163778808091161948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5957017114943806263.post-27155306525572737772013-04-15T10:15:00.001-07:002013-04-15T10:31:36.231-07:00True LoveI recently had a delightful visit with a dear friend that I hadn't seen in a while. We chatted on and on about our lives and all that's been going on.<br />
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For the last few years she's been going through an incredibly difficult trial in her life. Her husband was in a terrible car accident that changed his life forever. His injuries were treatable and through alot of physical therapy you wouldn't know by looking at him that he'd been through such a terrible experience but because of the severe concussion and nerve damage he suffered, his recovery has been long and excruciating. He has had to accept a "new normal" and deal with unfamiliar paths, face new fears, and deal with anxiety like he's never know. He's facing a life very different that he expected to have.<br />
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As his wife, she has had to watch her beloved suffer, but also be willing to challenge him in his fears...and just be a great friend and companion for him. She has shown him incredible patience and compassion. She was describing how her love for him has grown tremendously and how she passionately loves him.<br />
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This may not sound like an unusual scenario since lots of couples go through similar difficulties, and it's kind of what the "in sickness and in health" part of the vows was speaking to.<br />
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However this friend, prior to the accident, didn't have a whole lot of great things to say about marriage. "It's really hard" was what I remember hearing from her often.<br />
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So as she was sharing with me her feelings on things you can imagine how profound this statement was:<br />
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"You know, even when I really try to think of things that he's done that have hurt me...I just <i>can't </i>remember any!!"<br />
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I just kind of stared at her for a moment, and then 1 Cor 13:4 read like a ticker tape across my mind. "<i>Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it <b>keeps no record of wrongs</b>. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.</i>"<br />
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I've always thought of these verses as instructions on how to love, and so I work at loving in this way. But it occurred to me through my friends' testimony that this is just what real love looks like! This is how the Lord loves us, and in turn how He loves <i>through</i> us when we allow Him. <br />
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Galatians 5:22 says "The fruit of the Spirit is <b>love</b>, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control". <br />
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True love is an outpouring of the Spirit in our lives. <br />
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Isn't that encouraging?! We don't have to figure out "how" to love people, we just have draw close to the Lord and ask Him to give us the kind of love that mirrors His character.<br />
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Today my prayer is that the Lord can love through me and according to His definition...not mine.<br />
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So inspiring!<br />
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<br />Jeni Bullishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163778808091161948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5957017114943806263.post-31095973249209197232013-04-05T09:06:00.001-07:002013-04-05T09:06:24.696-07:00According to their bent"You're holding me back, Mom!" <br />
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Whoa. With tears in his eyes, these words escaped my pre-pubescent son's lips and pinned me against the couch.<br />
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"You're over protective. My friends get to do things and watch shows and play games that I don't, and they make fun of me!"<br />
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This whole conversation came about because he asked if he could walk with a couple of other boys to a park nearby, but out of our neighborhood and with no adult. Of course my answer was no.<br />
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This spark caused an explosion of questions and fears in my mind. Mostly fear.<br />
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Why can't everything be puppies and rainbows??? I know how to parent that! <br />
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His statements were like the leaves turning in the Fall indicating that the seasons are changing in my boys' development. I immediately felt inadequate, unprepared, and like I've failed before I even got started.<br />
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I just kind of stared at him for a few seconds, not exactly sure how to tackle this.<br />
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I asked myself some questions I learned from the time he was crawling...like is he hungry? Has there been stresses leading up to this? Is he tired?<br />
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I've learned with Nathan that he bounces along happily through life, all the while gathering up emotions like rocks and tucking them in his pocket. Till one day, his pocket is stuffed and they start bothering him enough that he lets them all spill out at once.<br />
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I quickly realized that he was trying to explain his feelings to me. His tone was intense but not disrespectful. We've always taught the boys that just because they feel something, doesn't mean they have to hurt people while venting it. They're pretty good at sharing their feelings without yelling or being disrespectful.<br />
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"Nathan..." I started.<br />
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But, I had nothing.<br />
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I decided to ask for some examples of what his friends get to do that he doesn't, but really I already knew...I was just biding some time so I could pray.<br />
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"Lord, I can already tell I'm not prepared for this...I need your help!" I whispered in my heart.<br />
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And the Lord showed up instantly. "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it". We know that "in the way he should go" is also translated "according to his bent". To train a child Gods way, is to know them well enough to know their individual bent and what will be best for them.<br />
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Because they don't know what's best for themselves.<br />
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Ah!! Courage showed up!<br />
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I explained to my son what my job is as his mom, and unfortunately what he can expect for the duration of his childhood (peer pressure, not engaging in things that "everyone" else gets to do, etc).<br />
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I explained that the decisions I make are based out of love for him and my desire to keep him safe both physically and mentally/spiritually. I explained that he could trust that I have been his age, and I know a few things that he doesn't.<br />
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I wish I could say he loved my response, but he didn't. I knew he needed time alone to work through his frustration so I sent him off knowing I would follow up when the emotions had subsided.<br />
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Even though I feel confident in my response, I'm still left with a daunting feeling. Mostly because I know that he's growing up and I don't think I've been proactive in keeping up.<br />
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I have a huge challenge in front of me because I know it's on me to engage my son <em>where he is and according to his bent</em>. I'm left with the task of learning him as he changes, engaging in his interests - even though they're no longer puppies and rainbows and I don't care about Minecraft and Annoying Orange! I have to learn new ways of giving him freedom and responsibilities all the while not jeopardizing his safety or exposing him to things too mature for him.<br />
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This new season is going to require new strategies, partnerships, and tools. <br />
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I get one shot at this. My goal is to be able to look him in the eyes when he's grown and say that I did my absolute best.<br />
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Man, I wish there was a manual.<br />
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Jeni Bullishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163778808091161948noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5957017114943806263.post-82032520563713958272013-03-10T13:00:00.003-07:002013-03-10T13:00:56.948-07:00The response to GreatnessFor almost 20 years now, I've worked with Dan musically in some way. Whatever abilities I have in this area I attribute to him and his input in my life. I have always been amazed at his musical gift and abilities.<br />
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This week as we were rehearsing together for an upcoming event, I had a familiar reaction to him. He was tuning a guitar and watching that process causes this strange emotion that I've never been able to quite identify or describe. First my stomach flips around and those darned butterflies go nuts, then I can hardly contain the giggles that start bubbling up, but then it's followed with a kind of ache in my heart that brings tears to my eyes that I have to battle back. Happens. Every. Time.<br />
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I've always thought this was caused by my adoration and love for him. But then this week, at an event it happened again but with someone else! We had Bo Stern come and speak at our church and from the moment I placed my hand in hers to meet her, I had the same reaction. Yes, she is well-known; yes is a great speaker and author; but I think it's more than that. <br />
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I think it has to do with Greatness. <br />
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If you've ever tuned an instrument you may know how difficult that can be...for someone without a lot of natural musical abilities (without a tuner I have absolutely no hope). Dan will pluck a string, and then maybe play a note on the piano, and begin adjusting the tension on the string until the note rings true. He uses harmonics to listen for the sound waves to come into alignment and then uses the other strings to provide context for the note. His ear has mastered these notes, and he is in command of that instrument. <br />
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In the same way, Bo masterfully communicates her thoughts and feelings. She is such a powerful and strong woman and has clear command over the subject matters that she speaks on. It's not about her speaking style or charisma, it's a sense that when she takes the microphone she is without question in the drivers seat and knows where she's going. <br />
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This morning I read these words out of Isaiah 30..."<em>Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!".</em> As I felt the emotions rising, the very ones I'd experienced with Dan and Bo this week, I realize it's not how amazing people are that moves me.! It's how amazing their Dad is!<br />
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Greatness originated in our creator. Just as we pass on DNA to our children that causes them to take after us in certain ways whether in appearance or talent or personality, so does certain aspects of the one whose image we were created in appear in us. If we're not careful, we may neglect to credit those things to Him and get caught up each other.<br />
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My reaction in the presence of Greatness is a physical reminder to me to worship the only one who is worthy of it. It helps me clear any idols that have taken root in my heart. <br />
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The rest of the passage in Isaiah says this "<em>O people of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears he will answer you. Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying 'This is the way; walk in it'. Then you will defile your idols overlaid with silver and your images covered with gold; you will throw them away like a menstrual cloth and say to the 'Away with you'!"</em><br />
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Idols will appear foolish and rediculous to us in light of the true God. He is awesome!<br />
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I'm so thankful that He is constantly revealing himself through his creation. And I'm also relieved that I'm not a groupy!<br />
<em></em>Jeni Bullishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163778808091161948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5957017114943806263.post-19003243432972043632013-02-15T14:40:00.002-08:002013-02-15T14:40:43.852-08:00I'm in here.For a few hours over the last two days, I stepped into a different world. I was asked to come, but I would say my reception was...a bit on the cool side.<br />
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The people were kind and no one was rude or hostile, but there was a definite hesitancy towards me. It only took me a few minutes to realize why.<br />
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In this world, visitors often enter with shocked faces and leave with obvious fear. Some find a way out as soon as possible, and most don't come back. Once I realized that the citizens of this world were watching to see how I would respond, I understood and actually admired their demeanor. <br />
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The sounds were the first thing to grip my senses.<br />
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I could hear hysterical giggling, monotone chanting, voices that clearly had once been able to form words but now required some study to really understand them, and most difficult to process was what I can only describe as sounds of a wounded animal panting and shrieking.<br />
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This was High School Special Ed.<br />
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I immediately knew my job was to stay calm, and show nothing of the shock that was reverberating in my mind and heart. I was here to be helpful, and I made the decision instantly to do what I was hired to do and quickly won the trust of my co-workers. <br />
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The first thing that surprised me was just the number of people in the room. Not only were there at least 6-8 staff people, there were also at least 10 students. They are called "Peer Tutors". There was about 15 special needs kids, and each of them had at least one person attending them. <br />
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My mind went back and forth between love for these disabled kids and adoration for these teenagers who were behaving as though there was nothing out of the ordinary here. I could have kissed them all!! But they're teenagers, and that probably wouldn't have been cool. This is an elective for them where they earn credits, but, alot of them choose to spend their lunch hours in the Special Ed room and have made the decision that working with these types of kids will be their career path.<br />
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My job was to just...be with them. Get to know them. Help them. Make sure they're safe and comfortable.<br />
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You mean love on people??? Yay! I'm the girl for the job!<br />
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I'm not allowed to use their names but I have to describe some of them for you.<br />
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The first boy I met was tough to miss. He's a 6'3" 16 year old latino boy with autism. His rich chocolate eyes melted my heart quickly. He is high functioning so has no trouble speaking and interacting. But at times he retreats back into some other place in his mind repeating things over and over, and covering his ears like he's a secret service agent receiving instructions through his earpiece. He also lets out shrieks and groans that I can only describe as the sounds Chewbacca makes! So, if you can imagine Chewbacca mixed with Rainman...you got it! He is clearly a well loved boy and receives fist bumps and high fives from the students at school all day long. He's like a giant teddy bear. <br />
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The next boy I met was in a wheel chair and had so many surgery scars on his head it looked like a roadmap. There was some confidentiality regarding his condition, but if I had to guess I think he was abused as a child. His speech is that of a stroke victim and he is mentally about a 4 year old, and to me just a cute as most preschoolers I've worked with. He. Is. Precious! He has bright blue eyes and long eyelashes and connects with everyone. He will call you over to him and say "Wanna know what? Wanna know what happened?" and then tell you all about something that happened either in real life or in his imagination. His manners are impeccable and never misses a please, thank you, or excuse me. <br />
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There were several Downs Syndrome kids who were just the sweetest things. And several other high-functioning autistic kids that almost brought me to tears with their loving hearts. One boy after asking what my name was said "Hi Jamey...Happy Valentimes Day!"<br />
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Then there was the soul that I know will continue to meet me in my dreams. She was the one that sounded like a wounded animal. I couldn't see her when I got there because she was in a tiny darkened room, laying on some kind of pad on the floor. The teachers were in and out of the room so I knew she was at least being tended to. She panted and blew out her nose like an upset horse does in their stall. She has a little toddler alphabet toy that plays different songs with each letter and shape. She prefers the song that the triangle sings. So she pushes it over and over. And over and over and over. All day long. At one point they were able to get her up but she was hitting herself so severely in the head that it didn't last long. She has broken her own nose so many times that she has a permanently deviated septum. But...and here's the thing...when you look in her eyes you can tell that she is in there. For whatever reason that doctors and parents and specialists can't determine, she is trapped in there in what appears to be torment. Today they were able to do some kind of treatment with her, and she was up in a wheel chair and I got the chance to talk to her. She is a precious soul and I can't tell you what a relief it is for me to know that she is loved and the people around her work very hard at finding ways of comforting and soothing her.<br />
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I honestly had no idea this is what Special Education was about. When I was in school the people in Special Ed were just slower or needed more help. I never saw these types of kids in the halls or cafeteria at school. But now I know that surely they were there. Surely there are rooms in every school like the one I worked in this week. <br />
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While I wrestled with the thought that I wish they were more visible, that people in our society would learn to live around those that are different or needy even, by the end of today I was so thankful that they have this place to themselves. I'm so thankful that there is this world for them where they are accepted and loved. Where their squawks and gyrations are normal and not stared at with horror. I love that they can flap their arms or rock and they are met with nurturing love. They can just be treated like a person. A human with value and worth because they are intrinsically loved by God, and by people who see them as equal.<br />
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They are in there.<br />
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I know this is a long post, but please, watch this video. It is a presentation by a mom whose daughter is autistic but found a way of communicating to the world around her. I pray we never overlook one, not one, who may be trapped in a broken down body but whose spirit is alive and well.<br />
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<br />Jeni Bullishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163778808091161948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5957017114943806263.post-51516733182133959722012-11-24T10:39:00.003-08:002012-11-24T19:50:59.732-08:00For VicaThe doctors seemed to all be saying the same thing. Vica needed surgery on her leg.<br />
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In her 9 years of life, Victoria had wanted so badly to play and run like the other kids in the orphanage. "No Vica!" is what she heard over and over, "You can hardly walk...you will fall!". <br />
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Victoria had been left at an orphanage in Kazakhstan shortly after her mother's failed abortion attempt resulted in her premature birth.<br />
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The "procedure" had left Victoria with Cerebral Palsy, and the inability to walk normally. With a determined spirit that no abandonment and hardship could extinguish, Victoria learned to walk the best she could...on her tip toes. <br />
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Since being adopted by a loving family and coming to America, Victoria had been focused on one very important thing...riding a bike!! Nothing could keep her off the little toddler bike with training wheels. Not even the teasing and ostracizing by the neighbor kids.<br />
<br />
But her daily dream was to be able to ride a real bike, with no help.<br />
<br />
Even with learning a new language and culture Victoria was (and still is) known for her smile and determination.<br />
<br />
It was decided that surgery for her was the best option, and the date was set.<br />
<br />
The surgery went well. The doctors were positive about the results but when faced with Victoria's first and most pressing question, "Can I ride a bike now???" they gave her very little hope.<br />
<br />
Well. They didn't know her very well.<br />
<br />
Even with her cast on she was outside working on that little bike as often as she could. Shortly after getting her cast off she convinced her mother to let her start trying to ride a bike with no training wheels.<br />
<br />
Gretchen would hold on to the bike and run along side her while she worked on her balance. Holding up the weight of a nine year old was much different than the toddlers Gretchen had taught to ride and this was tiring work!<br />
<br />
Attempt after attempt after attempt and Victoria would not give up.<br />
<br />
Finally, Gretchen ran along side as usual and then when she felt Victoria balancing she silently let go and without Victoria knowing it...she was riding a bike...by herself!!<br />
<br />
After a short distance she glanced back and found that her mother was a block behind her.<br />
<br />
Overcome with emotion she stopped the bike, laid it down on the ground and sprinted back to her mother and jumped in her arms, almost knocking her over. She wrapped her arms around her mom shouting through tears and muffled kisses in her broken English..."Thank you for mommy!! Thank you for America!! Thank you for doctors!! Thank you for my bike!!".<br />
<br />
They stood there for a long time just hugging and weeping together.<br />
<br />
This would become a defining moment for this little girl who had been abandoned. Not only a second chance at life, but an opportunity to set her heart on something and see it come to fruition.<br />
<br />
Today Victoria has to talk with her parents and friends through Skype because she is living on the other side of the world. The fact that she had been rescued has made a deep and permanent impression on her heart and the minute she had the chance to go someplace and help other children who are abandoned, neglected, or abused...she jumped at it!<br />
<br />
She lives in Thailand now and helps to rescue children either in the human trafficking bondage, or are most vulnerable to be kidnapped into it.<br />
<br />
She is still as determined as she was learning to ride a bike. She doesn't seem to see obstacles like other people see them. To her, they are hurdles to be jumped over. Her faith and love have taught her that with God, all things are possible.<br />
<br />
I consider it a true blessing to know her, listen to her testimonies, and support her.<br />
<br />
She is living and working through the support and contributions of those who share her burden for the immense suffering and injustice of the innocent imprisoned in the sex trade.<br />
<br />
If you felt moved by this one story of a remarkable life and wish there was some way you could help, there is! This Tuesday we are holding a fundraiser for Victoria. I am contributing 100% of my commission as a sales Representative with Silpada Designs Sterling Silver Jewelry to Victoria's work overseas.<br />
<br />
If you would like to come and buy some Christmas gifts for your loved ones, please leave a comment and I will give you the information. If you cannot come but would like to buy something online the website is www.mysilpada.com/jennifer.bullis and look for Gretchen Mortensen as the hostess to include your order in the fundraiser. If you (for whatever crazy reason ;-) ) do not wish to buy jewelry but would still like to support Victoria, please leave me a message and I will connect you with her.<br />
<br />
Sometimes it feels like there's so much wrong in the world that one person cannot make any difference. If you could meet Victoria you might feel different. With her strong will and huge loving heart...I'm thinkin anything's possible!<br />
<br />
I adore you Victoria and hope that my small effort will help you in big ways!!!<br />
<br />Jeni Bullishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163778808091161948noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5957017114943806263.post-72377891731598087952012-11-09T09:22:00.000-08:002012-11-09T09:43:27.242-08:00The Neglected AltarWhen I was a new Christian, I attended every Bible study and church service I could. I had an intense desire to learn as much as I could about this God I had committed my life to. <br />
<br />
I discovered quickly that I also passionately loved His people, and the purpose in the corporate meeting. I thrived on the fellowship, learning, struggling, and serving each other.<br />
<br />
One of the most impactful events for me was the Sunday night service. In our church, Sunday nights were more casual and open. Usually it was the core members and young people that would come, making it feel a bit more intimate. Almost without exception, after hearing something from The Word there was an opportunity for response. <br />
<br />
The Altar.<br />
<br />
The altar was the place where people would come to do serious business with the Lord.<br />
<br />
Early evangelists made the "altar call" the norm for people who wished to make a decision for Christ and make a public statement that they had given their life to Him. I still get emotional watching footage from Billy Graham crusades where thousands of people file down the isles to "the altar".<br />
<br />
In our church, people would come down for all kinds of reasons.<br />
<br />
Couples would make their way to the front with tears streaming down their face to seek the Lord's healing in their marriage. Pregnant women would come down after learning of devastating diagnosis in their unborn baby. Some would come alone with unspoken issues. Young adults like myself would kneel on the stairs and cry out to the Lord for guidance, and to be useful to Him.<br />
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Sometimes there were pastors there to pray for folks, but other times it was just an available space for people to intentionally meet with the Lord.<br />
<br />
Whatever the issue was, seeing people strewn over the steps to the stage, and listening to Dan worship unhindered was such a faith builder and created an appetite in me to not just be a church goer, but to have an interactive relationship with the Lord.<br />
<br />
Of course there are excesses and abuses of the altar, and I've been in services where it just got weird. But I think those things happen when leaders try to orchestrate or choreograph an experience.<br />
<br />
A friend and I were discussing the other day how church culture had changed so much over the years. Times at the altar have been omitted under the pressure of having a punctual end to the service so people don't complain about church going on too long. Also, because of our busy lives most churches don't have Sunday night services anyway because so few people attend. Sunday morning services are a time where visitors come most often and so most churches want that to be a welcoming and nonthreatening service.<br />
<br />
I've been in ministry and church leadership a long time, I get all this.<br />
<br />
My question is, where'd the altar go?<br />
<br />
Are people taking time to respond to the Lord privately in their homes? Are we missing out on something by not having the chance to be vulnerable with the Lord and each other publicly? Where do we give opportunity for ministry to happen within the body?<br />
<br />
Many people have shared with me over the years a sense of detachment emotionally from the Lord. Emotions are not everything in our relationship to God, but they're not nothing either. <br />
<br />
I wonder if people feel "bottled up" and would benefit from having a time of release. A time where they can bring to the Lord the load they're carrying, and have a physical way of marking that event. Of course we should all be doing that daily in our walk with the Lord, but I know I've had several experiences that I can look back on as pivotal in the course of my life and almost all of them were when I physically knelt and worked through something with the Lord...at an altar.<br />
<br />
The Bible is full of examples of the altar experience (<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 15px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">built for sacrifice, rememberance, dedication… by Noah, Jacob, Abraham, Joshua, others…</span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">)</span> so it's not a new idea. I just wonder if there's a way to incorporate it in our current church culture in some form. <br />
<br />
I sure hope so!Jeni Bullishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163778808091161948noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5957017114943806263.post-35569864338987572842012-10-19T08:20:00.000-07:002012-10-19T08:20:31.580-07:00It's come to thisHave you ever had an experience that made you realize that you've been affected by the world around you more than you knew?<br />
<br />
I had one the other day.<br />
<br />
At Target.<br />
<br />
I was approaching the doors to Target without really even paying attention to the familiar entrance. I was probably looking at my phone or something in my purse so I wasn't really watching where I was going. My pace never slowed since I've been trained by automatic doors that the sensor will pick up my presence and open gracefully for me...as if I was the queen.<br />
<br />
However when I got a couple feet away my spidey sense alerted me that there was impending doom awaiting.<br />
<br />
But...I just kept walking. Like a lemming.<br />
<br />
Bam! Right into the door.<br />
<br />
Yeah. I'd walked up to the set of doors that actually have handles and no sensors.<br />
<br />
You'd think this was the end of the story right?<br />
<br />
Nope.<br />
<br />
You'd think I'd rub my smashed nose and just open the door that was just a few inches in front of me and run from the shame and embarrassment of what just happened right?<br />
<br />
Nope.<br />
<br />
You know what I did?<br />
<br />
I stepped back...looked over to the automatic doors...and walked over to them and entered the store.<br />
<br />
WHAT DID I JUST DO?????<br />
<br />
I stopped about 6 feet into the foyer and shook my head at myself.<br />
<br />
"So" I thought, "it's come to this".<br />
<br />
I can't even open a door for myself because it's been done for me for so long that my habit is the path of least resistance.<br />
<br />
Dang! Now I have to examine what other areas of my life I have turned over to some systematic automated process to do the actual work for me.<br />
<br />
I love the century we live in, and am sooo thankful for modern conveniences! It's just that I didn't think I <em>depended</em> on them. <br />
<br />
So...<br />
<br />
I'm going to start returning to some basic lifestyle principles.<br />
<br />
Like taking the stairs instead of the elevator. Like not insisting on the absolute closest parking spot. Like making a few phone calls instead of emails. Maybe pay a few bills in person instead of auto pay.<br />
<br />
And...maybe use my hands and arms to open a few doors.<br />
<br />
Good grief. This is going to be a long day! ;-)Jeni Bullishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163778808091161948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5957017114943806263.post-85341963010694290452012-10-12T08:54:00.001-07:002012-10-12T08:54:53.650-07:00Good morning Lord... I pray for those that need you today. <br />
<br />
For those that are sick and need your touch. <br />
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Those who are hurting and need forgiveness and guidance. <br />
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Those who are being opposed and need your encouragement. <br />
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Those who are being attacked and need your protection. <br />
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Those who are struggling and need your provision. <br />
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Those who are confused and need your wisdom. <br />
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Those who are lonely and need your friendship. <br />
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Those who are afraid and need your comfort. <br />
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Those who are weak and need your strength. <br />
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Those who are timid and need your power. <br />
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Those who are heavy-hearted and need your peace. <br />
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Those who are blind and need to see. <br />
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You know every need of every heart Lord. Your will be done!!<br />
<br />
AmenJeni Bullishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163778808091161948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5957017114943806263.post-2371312898004088702012-10-09T08:20:00.001-07:002012-10-09T08:20:31.470-07:00RespectMy boys seem to hit the jackpot with teachers each year. With the exception of one, I have loved each teacher they've had and have seen the impact of their teaching in the lives of my guys.<br />
<br />
This year, my youngest son's teacher is about as good as they get! At the parents night she introduced herself and described how she runs her classroom. <br />
<br />
She has 3 simple rules that she enforces strictly.<br />
<br />
1. Respect<br />
<br />
2. Respect<br />
<br />
3. Respect<br />
<br />
Her philosophy is that any potential problems she may encounter with a student will be alleviated if they will function respectfully.<br />
<br />
Respect the teacher.<br />
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Respect authority.<br />
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Respect the classroom.<br />
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Respect each other.<br />
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I sat there with the thought that bursts in my mind often when simple truth is presented..."That'll preach!!".<br />
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Respect is a powerful thing. <br />
<br />
I remember hearing a story of a friend who served dinner at a homeless shelter. After meeting one of the men he sat down to talk with him. He didn't look at the tattered clothes, or the stench of lack of hygiene. He didn't notice the missing teeth and scruffy face. He looked this man in the eyes, and out of respect, dealt with him man to man. At the end of the night that man thanked my friend over and over for spending some time with him saying "For a few hours, I felt like a human again".<br />
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Respect encourages people to become who they long to be, and diffuses the need to defend and justify oneself.<br />
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Sometimes people behave in such a way that it feels impossible to respect anything about them. I totally get that! It's in these times that we should respect ourselves enough to avoid treating them in a way that reflects poorly on us! The only person we can control is us.<br />
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So, though simplistic, I believe in Sam's teachers' notion that respect goes a long way in creating order, and allowing love, growth and learning to flow.<br />
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So, respect the authorities in your life. Respect the personal space of your friends. Respect the world around you. Respect your neighbor. Respect yourself.<br />
<br />
And, respect your husband. You'll be amazed at how that will effect the quality of your marriage!! I know I was.Jeni Bullishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163778808091161948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5957017114943806263.post-29742459045156182802012-10-03T08:32:00.001-07:002012-10-03T08:57:05.504-07:00Learning to "like"So, I feel like I want to follow up on my previous post.<br />
<br />
I've had many women in honesty and genuine brokenness ask:<br />
<br />
"So...what if I really just don't like my husband?"<br />
<br />
This is the reality in so many marriages. Some may wonder how two people who were in love enough with each other to say "till death do we part" end up barely able to tolerate being in the same room. <br />
<br />
For now, I just want to speak to the issue of how does a wife "like" or respect her husband, when her feelings are the absolute opposite.<br />
<br />
First of all, I find it helpful to understand the general tendencies and inclinations of us women. We've heard it said for many years (like it's so shocking) that men and women think very differently. I think that's a good thing and intentionally orchestrated by our Creator! <br />
<br />
Women tend to have a strong intuition and ability to see problems and dangers as they are approaching. This is why sometimes a woman will not trust someone after just one meeting. They just have a bad "feeling" about someone. This instinct can lend to us being more critical than our guys - generally speaking. <br />
<br />
I know for me, I almost ALWAYS see the problem in something first. I will immediately see a flaw in a paint job. I see the one misspelled word on my sons spelling test before I notice the score of the whole test. <br />
<br />
Dan teases me that when he plays a new song for me, I always hate it at first. He's right! I recently explained to our realtor while shopping for a home that she'd need to be patient with me because I will hate every house we see...for the first 10 minutes. Because I will see the ugly wallpaper or worn out carpet long before I really think about the floor plan or great landscaping.<br />
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So when it comes to our men...we tend to see the problems and weaknesses in them first. And here's where we get into trouble.<br />
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We get stuck there! We focus on it, dwell on it, bicker about it, nag about it, talk to our friends about it, until it's all we can see. Every good quality that we used to love becomes blurry and unrecognizable.<br />
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It is absolutely true that what you dwell on becomes your perception.<br />
<br />
So some may ask "So, I'm just supposed to think happy thoughts and all the bad stuff will just go away?"<br />
<br />
Well, not exactly. I have seen this happen many times. If a wife will choose to make a list of the positive qualities about her husband, and begin complimenting him on those things and talking about those things to her friends, and really focusing on his strengths, her perspective begins to shift and...so do her feelings! It's amazing!<br />
<br />
The spiritual lesson in all of this, I think, is that women's discernment about things is crucial and valuable to her husband (even if he doesn't know it)! That's why the Lord calls her his Helpmate! Helping is not about doing the dishes, laundry and rearing the children. It's about partnering with your man to bring something to him that he wouldn't have without you.<br />
<br />
But when we approach our husband to "help" with an attitude of irritation and criticism, he most likely will not be interested in what we have to say, or receive our words of wisdom. If he feels disrespected or "mothered" his spirit will be closed off and he will distance himself from his wife which then perpetuates the breakdown in the relationship.<br />
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Respect is so important to men, that in a survey taken the large majority of men would rather receive respect than love (taken from For Women Only).<br />
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We are taught in our culture that respect is earned, not given. However, our Biblical instructions are to respect our husband - with no condition given.<br />
<br />
How is this possible? <br />
<br />
Well, it is. But it will have to wait till next post because I've blabbered long enough.Jeni Bullishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163778808091161948noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5957017114943806263.post-15559036251442337742012-09-27T08:09:00.000-07:002012-09-27T08:09:10.460-07:00Falling in Like with your husband
My husband and I attended a marriage conference when we had
been married for just a couple of years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It was a great weekend of intense conversations, and the chance to focus
on each other without distractions or interruptions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
At one session, we were asked to stand and tell what was our
favorite thing about our spouse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Everyone stood and described some trait or characteristic about their
beloved that they liked the most.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
stood and gushed about my admirable and amazing husband.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then it was his turn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He stood and said “What I like best about my
wife is that…she really likes me”.<br />
<br />
Silence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I smiled,
but my face turned red with anger and embarrassment.<br />
<br />
Later I tore into him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><br />
<br />
“Seriously!?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What you
like best about me is that I like YOU!?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>How could you take a moment meant to be about me, and make it about
you?”<o:p> </o:p><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
Of course he was crushed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He apologized for hurting me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
forgave him and we moved on with the weekend.</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
But I revisited that incident in my mind over and over for
years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How could he say that?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is it that hard to come up with something
that he likes about me?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is such a
loving and giving husband, where did that self-centered comment come from?<o:p> </o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
I slowly began to understand what was in the heart of my
husband.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And what my reaction did to
him.</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
Before marrying me my husband had gone through the worst
kind of rejection.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was betrayed by a
wife who chose to walk away from marriage with him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But not only that, while married to him
she was disrespectful and did not value him or make him a priority.<o:p> </o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
I also began to notice other marriages and how wives would
berate and mistreat their husbands - rolling their eyes at their husbands’
comments, or correcting him as though he was a child in front of friends and
family.<o:p> </o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
I've seen wives call their husband names and make fun of them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And worse, complain about their sex lives
and act as though making love to their husband was a chore that they might
chose to endure if he behaved just right.<o:p> </o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
As I grew in understanding of how men think, and how they
process life I remembered something about that incident at the marriage
conference.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When my husband said what he
said, I remember noticing every man in that room smiling as if to say…"Man,
you’re lucky".<o:p> </o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
Now I count it a great compliment that he is blessed by how
much I like him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I understand that
it isn’t selfishness that prompts him to enjoy that part of me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s his way of acknowledging the “good
thing” (Pro 18:22) that comes with a loving wife.<o:p> </o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
Proverbs 31:10-12<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">A wife of noble character who can find?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She is worth far more than rubies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her husband has full confidence in her and
lacks nothing of value.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She brings him
good, not harm, all the days of her life.</i><o:p> </o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
Lord, help me to be a wife that is a blessing to her husband
each day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Help me to love him as you
would, and live in such a way that others see your work and Glorify you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Amen.</div>
Jeni Bullishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163778808091161948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5957017114943806263.post-36077913925072427662012-09-17T08:06:00.002-07:002012-09-17T08:36:00.176-07:00Two ConversationsThis weekend I overheard two conversations that struck a chord in me.<br /><br />Each equally powerful.<br /><br />The first one went like this...<br /><br />"Sam...I just really love you. I mean, I love you because you're my son but I also just really like who you are. I like being with you and I just like how you are...just the way you are." Dan said.<br /><br />Sam smiled...in a familiar way. This is not the first time he's heard this from his dad. He seemed to take a deep breath as if to allow those words to fill him. <br /><br />The second conversation was a little different. It went like this:<br /><br />Sam to our neighbor who comes to his dad's house every other weekend, whose face was buried in his hands:<br />Sam - "<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">Rylie</span>, why are you so bummed out?"<br /><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">Rylie</span> - "Well, because I'm so dumb"<br />Sam - "<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">Rylie</span>, you're not dumb! You shouldn't say that about yourself"<br /><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">Rylie</span> - "Well, that's what my dad says"<br /><br />We talked a bit about some ideas on how Sam could encourage his buddy, but it seemed to bother Sam that someone would say that to their child.<br /><br />And it should.<br /><br />I just wonder...what if all the little boys heard the first conversation? This little person will grow up replaying the tape of the words of such an important person. He will spend much mental energy challenging those thoughts, and trying to decide if they're true. He may make decisions and choose behaviors based solely on the belief of those words. And when someone loves him, he will struggle to trust their words.<br /><br />Words are so powerful.<br /><br />Proverbs 12:18 says <em>Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.</em><br /><em></em><br />The one comfort I have is that as Sam hears encouraging and loving words, he in turn will speak those words to his friend who needs to hear them so desperately.<br /><br />I wonder how my words leave their hearer.<br /><br /><br />Jeni Bullishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163778808091161948noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5957017114943806263.post-40596818545311687162012-09-13T08:35:00.009-07:002012-09-13T10:16:21.505-07:00Your cheering section!A few years ago I walked the Portland Marathon.<br /><br />Yes, I said walked.<br /><br />26.2 miles.<br /><br />What was I thinking???!!!!<br /><br />I had never walked more than a few miles before I began to train for the event, but I just figured tons of people do this...why couldn't I?<br /><br />Fortunately, I trained with a very close friend and we would spend hour after hour walking and chatting away. On our longest walk - 15 miles - we found that we really could talk for 5 hours straight without running out of topics!<br /><br />I really enjoyed the training and figured if the marathon was just a longer session of gabbing and walking than this is the sport for me!<br /><br />Yeah, it didn't quite go down like that.<br /><br />To make a long story short, at mile 20 I hit the wall. I was in alot of pain and was trying to be careful not to complain too much and hurt morale but I honestly felt I may have to stop. <br /><br />Like, right then. <br /><br />I'm not the most competitive person and so didn't have that fire in me to finish this thing. So I gazed longingly at the curb playing out what it would feel like to just sit down and wait for someone to come pick me up.<br /><br />I kept walking and considering my options as we approached the next food and water station. I could hear the cheering from quite a ways away. I could instantly feel a change in my group as they began smiling and clapping along to the band. <br /><br />There were people there holding signs with a friend or loved one's name on it. There were strangers cheering and yelling encouragement. There were actual cheerleaders jumping and clapping, and bands playing music to help put a spring back in your step.<br /><br />I thought..."man, these people want me to finish this thing more than I do!".<br /><br />I had been told about the race atmosphere and what it feels like to have people cheering and yelling your name and number from the sideline, but you can't really imagine it till you experience it.<br /><br />Those shouts and cheers helped me walk through the wall, and keep going one painful step at a time.<br /><br />In the end we finished the race and while everyone else gathered their goodies and put on the medals they rightfully earned and made plans to go out to eat, I urgently and tearfully looked for my family...and the car.<br /><br />I did not finish strong and wondered if I had broken myself. <br /><br />It was not my best moment.<br /><br />But, I've always thought about that feeling of having people "for me". People on my side really wanting me to do well.<br /><br />I thought about that this morning when I read Ezekiel 34 as the Lord rails against the shepherds of His people that were selfishly abusing and neglecting the sheep. He says "I am against the shepherds and will hold them accountable for my flock.I will rescue my flock from their mouths and it will no longer be food for them. I myself will search for my sheep and look after them. As a shepherd looks after his scattered flock when he is with them, so will I look after my sheep. I will rescue them from all the places where they were scattered on a day of clouds and darkness. I will search for the lost and bring back the strays. I will bind up the injured and strengthen the weak..."<br /><br />He is for us!! He pursues us, and desires to heal us, encourage us, and help us finish the tasks He's asked us to do.<br /><br />It's no coincidence that I sat down at the piano and played through a favorite song along this theme before opening my Bible. <br /><br />I know that you are for me<br />I know that you are for me<br />I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness<br />I know that you have come now<br />Even if to write upon my heart<br />To remind me who you are<br /><br />This song brings me to tears and blesses me every time I sing it. If you need a reminder today that the Lord sees you, and is for you, and will give you what you need to make to the finish line...read Ezekiel 34 and listen to this song! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UbSMfL5LuSo<br /><br />I would love to hear how He touches you!Jeni Bullishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163778808091161948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5957017114943806263.post-51531368984730652422012-08-30T10:37:00.006-07:002012-09-05T21:04:28.777-07:00Summer's inspirationThe other night I had the treat of sitting on the back deck of a friends' home for dinner. It was a lovely summer evening, just cooling down after a warm day. My friends' home is gorgeous! The flowers around the pool were in full bloom and filled the air with sweetness. The table was set with beautiful dishes, cloth napkins were folded nicely beside each plate, and flickering candles were sprinkled around casting those lovely sunset tones on everyone's face. <br /><br />The best part was there were 5 of the smartest, most generous, gracious, talented, and lovely women sharing the table with me.<br /><br />As our hostess's delightful children brought out each delicious course we talked about how our summer has gone, the highs and lows, and what's coming up for each of us. To help conversation there were beautifully written questions attached to our napkin for each of us to answer.<br /><br />My question was "What has inspired you this summer?".<br /><br />I took a long breath, enjoying such a life giving evening and thought..."This."<br /><br />I am sooo inspired by these women and their lives! They challenge my faith and intellect, encourage me in my insecurities, broaden my creativity with their own, peak my curiosity with their pursuits, and bless me with their loyal friendships.<br /><br />Their friendship has brought so much to my life that it has surprised me!<br /><br />My offering to the group remains a mystery to me, but I am so thankful to be a part of it and it has inspired me to help other women find sisters that inspire them and make space in their lives to press into those relationships.<br /><br />Women can hurt each other deeply with very little effort, but they can also bring incredible healing and momentum to each other! I've learned over the years when women love each other carefully and with honesty, we make each other stronger and can share in the Lords' incredible plans for one another.<br /><br />What a wonderful way to end one season...and begin another. <br /><br />Jeni Bullishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163778808091161948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5957017114943806263.post-58646881593082183112012-08-28T08:23:00.003-07:002012-08-28T09:18:59.690-07:00National Hug a Pastor's Wife Day!!Do you know who one of the loneliest people in your church is?<br /><br />Your pastors wife.<br /><br />I have been the wife of a pastor for 17 years now, and I can tell you it can be a very lonely place.<br /><br />You may scoff at this because Pastors and their wives are often surrounded by people and may never appear to be lacking in friendships or activities to be a part of.<br /><br />But the truth of it is, many wives find it very difficult to be open and transparent with people.<br /><br />The heart of service is usually on call in most relationships, leaving very little space for her to be the recipient of ministry. She becomes very comfortable being the one called when someone has a need, or just needs someone to talk to or pray with. But, when she's needing someone to talk to or pray with...she may struggle to call someone.<br /><br />After all, she probably shouldn't call someone within the church because what would they think if she didn't "have it all together"? Would this neediness reflect poorly on her husband or the church? She could call another pastors wife, but they're probably busy with their own ministry and church.<br /><br />Then there's the constant issue of criticism. Her children, her home, her marriage, her husband, her decisions, all come under scrutiny and judgement of many. And many have very little hesitancy in sharing their thoughts on these matters. Or some just write it anonymously on communication cards and notes then drop it in the offering plate on Sundays.<br /><br />For me personally, I have been so blessed with close friendships both within and outside of the church, and feel I haven't experienced a fraction of what so many Pastors and wives have had to deal with.<br /><br />But I have seen the loneliness. I've felt the silent withdrawal of a wife as she sits with the knowledge that whatever emotion she's feeling at that moment would need to go unvoiced because there's just no outlet. I have heard the stories of rejection and accusation that these women go through when people leave the church.<br /><br />The Lord is sufficient and faithful to fulfill the lives and hearts of those who serve Him, and most Pastors and their wives find comfort in knowing they are responding to a calling.<br /><br />However, that doesn't change the negative aspects of the job.<br /><br />I am so blessed to have a group of Pastors wives that I adore and can be myself with. I also hope that I can be an encouragement to them because they are working hard in the mission I also feel called to. We are bound together!<br /><br />So, if you get a chance - send a note, or give a hug, or even just a loving smile to your Pastor's wife. You would be surprised how you'll bless her!Jeni Bullishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163778808091161948noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5957017114943806263.post-18772106205745873852012-08-24T08:47:00.004-07:002012-08-24T09:19:51.452-07:00Too much talk? Let's talk about it!I'm a talker.<br /><br />I've always been a talker.<br /><br />My 6th Grade teacher used to call me "Mouth" because I talked so much.<br /><br />I usually have to talk out my feelings, thoughts, opinions, viewpoints, concerns, questions, ideas, philosophies, in order to really clarify and solidify them.<br /><br />Poor Dan.<br /><br />But lately I've been having this thought,<br /><br />"Are we talking ourselves to death?".<br /><br />I listen mainly to talk radio, read the thoughts of bloggers, read articles from a large variety of publications and the comments left, and I just feel like we are talking the life right out of us!<br /><br />I read an article the other day that I thought was well written and described the thoughts and feelings of the author very well. I disagreed with her assertions but I enjoyed learning her thoughts. In the comment section an argument exploded and I feel people talked (typed) so much that they completely lost track of what the article said and were fighting over meanings of words and debating history.<br /><br />Is this really helpful in us understanding issues and each other?<br /><br />I can't watch much news anymore because I feel most of it's content is inappropriate for my children to hear, but with so many cable news channels having to fill 24 hours of air, it seems they are so desperate for something to talk about that they have to find minuscule details to hash out about issues they've already talked at length about!<br /><br />I'm concerned this has spilled over into the average persons life.<br /><br />I worry that we can't let a statement stand without it being picked apart, analyzed, commented on, and then regurgitated into a sound bite that has stripped the original words of their meaning.<br /><br />I also think this has led to a loss of private thoughts, or modesty in subject matter. In efforts to be open and authentic I fear we've lost a degree of propriety or restraint. <br /><br />I love the words in Ecc 5:2...<br /> "Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few."<br /><br />I think we'd be better off to talk less, and listen more. Or at least know when we've talked enough about a subject and walk away from it.<br /><br />But, what do I know.<br /><br />Here I am...talking about not talking so much!!! Jeni Bullishttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01163778808091161948noreply@blogger.com0